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TECH SUPPORT TALES #1

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To the best of my knowledge these are true experiences from Tech Support people. It seems that some customers instantly turn into clueless imbeciles as soon as they sit in front of a computer. Guaranteed to make you laugh out loud and show your coworkers.

YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT YOU WILL READ IN THIS DOCUMENT!

If anyone out there has any of their own unbelievable Tech Support stories, please send them to me and I will periodically post new issues of "Tech Support Tales" with your experiences.

America Online: Junkspill

Internet: Junkspill@aol.com

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* Exasperated caller said she couldn't get her new computer to turn on.

Customer: "I've pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens."

Tech: "Foot pedal?"

Customer: "Yes, this little white foot pedal with the on switch."

- The foot pedal turned out to be the mouse.

* Many people have called to ask where the "any" key is on their keyboards when the "Press Any Key" message is displayed.

* One customer complained that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on it.

- The dust cover turned out to be the plastic bag in which the mouse was packaged.

* One customer held the mouse in the air and pointed it at the screen, all the while clicking madly.

* A customer was having diskette problems. After trouble shooting for a while (magnets, heat, etc.), tech asked the customer what else was being done with the diskette.

Response: "I put a label on the diskette, roll it into the typewriter..."

* A user came into a service bureau with a file on a 5.25 inch disk. The proprietor apologized and explained that the user would have to get the job transferred to a 3.5 inch disk first. The user asked, "Couldn't we just get a scissors and trim it?"

* A customer complied with a tech's request to send in a copy of a defective diskette. A few days later, the tech received a letter from the customer along with a Xerox copy of the floppy.

* A tech advised a customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer put his phone down and was heard walking across the room and shutting the door to the room.

* A customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes, the tech discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

* A customer was perplexed by an error that would appear every time he tried to print. The computer would say, "Looking for LaserWriter" and after a while, "Can't find LaserWriter." His solution? He turned the Mac so that the screen faced the printer.

* A customer needed help setting up an application. The tech referred him to the local Egghead.

Customer: "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends."

When told that Egghead was a software store, the man replied, "Oh! I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

* A customer called complaining that his keyboard no longer worked. The customer had cleaned his keyboard by submerging it for a day in warm soapy water in his bathtub.

* A tech once calmed a man who was enraged because "his computer had told him he was bad and an invalid." The tech patiently explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

* A new technician was sent into the field to install a new video card. About the time they began to wonder if something was wrong, the technician called in. "I have the monitor apart, I just can't figure out where to install the video card."

(c) 1994 Eric Hausmann. Authors retain individual rights. This document may be freely distributed and posted to other online services provided it is kept in its original state and remains unaltered.