Capitalism Explained, Or, Two Cows -- Again

Thanks Rob

 

Date: 9/16/04

Traditional Capitalism:

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multipies and the economy grows. You sell the herd and retire on the income.

However, if you are...

An American Corporation. You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A French Corporation. You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A Japanese Corporation. You have two cows. You re-design them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create irritating cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them world-wide at a fantastic profit.

A German Corporation. You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for a hundred years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

An English Corporation. You have two cows. Both are mad.

An Italian Corporation. You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A Russian Corporation. You have two cows.You count them and learn that you have 5 cows. You count them again and learn that you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn that you have 12 cows. You stop counting and open another bottle of Vodka.

A Swiss Corporation. You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A Hindu Corporation. You have two cows. You Worship them.

A Chinese Corporation. You have two cows. You have three hundred people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A Welsh Corporation. You have two cows. The younger one is rather attractive...

An Australian Corporation. You have 2 stolen bulls but think they are cows. You die the first time you try to milk them.

An Irish Corporation. Who cares? The EU probably owns them now and the pub is still serving...

A New Zealand Corporation. You have two cows. You don't know what they are used for as they aren't sheep. You shear them anyway.

A Canadian Corporation. You have two cows. The Govt. passes a law forbidding you to milk them, in case they be offended.

An Israeli Corporation. You have 3.5 million cows. They wander off to other countries, or into an adjacent field, (which you stole from someone else) and you then claim someone has killed 6 million of them. You demand 'compensation' from the whole world and then terrorise anyone who complains or criticises.

 

 

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