History Test: The Right Answers

Thanks Jay

 

> The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a recent
history
> test. They are actual answers compiled by the teachers. Pay particular
> attention to the spelling...Some of the best humor is in the misspelling.
>
> 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
> hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is
> such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
>
> 2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made
> unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses
went
> up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever
> reached Canada.
>
> 3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
>
> 4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
> wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female
moth.
>
> 5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
> advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After
> his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
>
> 6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits,
> and threw the java.
>
> 7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
The
> Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made
> king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
>
> 8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard
Shaw.
>
> 9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a
> success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted
> "hurrah."
>
> 10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
> invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was
> the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
> because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake
> circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper.
>
> 11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He
> was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much
> money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,
> comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and
Juliet
> are an example of a heroic couple.
>
> 12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He
> wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
> Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
>
> 13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented
> Congress.
> Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
> Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing
two
> cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot
stand."
> Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
>
> 14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's
> mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built
with
> his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
> Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went
to
> the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving
> picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
> supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
>
> 15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had
> a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster
> which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach
> was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was
> half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.
>
> 16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he
> wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone
was
> calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
>
> 17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
> inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by
> machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to
> spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the
> work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits.
> Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.
Madman
> Curie discovered the radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx
Brothers.

 

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