Doctor Stories

Thanks Siggy

 

> A man comes into the ER and yells,"My wife is going to have her baby in
> the
> cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress
> and
> began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed that there are
> several
> cabs
> and I was in the wrong one.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
> slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
> instructed.
> "Yes,
> they used to be," the patient said sadly.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
> husband
> had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes
> later,
> I
> heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
> "massive
> internal fart."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> I was performing a complete physical including the visual acuity test. I
> placed
> the patient twenty feet from the chart and began "Cover your right eye
> with
> your
> hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a
> flawless
> read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read
> the
> large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done
> exactly
> what I
> had asked. He was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was
> laughing
> too
> hard to finish the exam.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
> he
> informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his
> medications.
> "Which one?", asked the doctor. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on
> a
> new
> one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" The
> doctor
> had
> him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn't see; the
> man
> had
> over fifty patches on his body. Now the instructions include removal of
> the
> old
> patch before applying a new one. And you always wondered why
> instructions
> always
> seemed to state the obvious!
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
> since
> you have been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
> answered,
> "Why
> not for about twenty years, when my husband was alive."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> I was caring for a woman in the hospital from Kentucky and asked, "So
> how's
> your
> breakfast this morning?" "It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I
> can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to
> see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled KY JELLY.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> And of course, the best is saved for last. A lady walked into a pharmacy
> and
> spoke to the pharmacist. She asked, "Do you have Viagra?" "Yes," he
> answered.
> She asked, "Does it work?" "Yes," he answered. "Can you get it over the
> counter?" she asked. "I can if I take two," he answered.
>

 

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