Things you don't want to hear in surgery

Or, another reason why they give you anaesthesia

Thanks Ed Toner


Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor we're going to need a mop

"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie..

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's cool! Now can you make her leg twitch?!


Let's see. The knee bone's connected to the ankle bone. The ankle bone's connected to the hip bone. No, wait. That can't be right.

Left ventricle. Is that my left or his left?

I can never tell which way is up on these things.

Are you sure that the kind of staples we use are from Staples?

This can't be the prostate patient. There's a uterus in here.

"What are all these hose thingies doing in here?. They have to go."

Call my lawyer fast!!

I hope that you're left handed!

Funny thing, it didn't look like this on the slides I saw in med school!

My wife will have to get a 2nd job to bail me out of this mess!

Surgeon bends over the patient in the OR and says, "Are you still with us dear? God, please say yes"!

How many chambers should a heart have?

Sharpen that saw! I want a clean but through the left lobe! The left you half-wit! Oh well, we can do it again on the remaing lobe! Get it right now!

Why are you so pale?

Are we looking for a tumor or a tremor?

Did I tell you I got my MD on the iternet? You're my first experience"!

Call the priest in here,fast!

I wish that I hadn't broken my glasses! I'm legally blind without them!

Have you ever tried to type on the keyboard with your toes?

"Then if the appendix is on the RIGHT side, then what is this I just cut out?"

"Okay, is this guy the tonsillectomy or the amputation?"

"Don't worry about it. We won't need sterilized tools for this loser."

"Can't we just SAY we got the whole tumor? My tee time is at 3:20."

"He's hemmoraging. That reminds me- I need to get my lawn sprinklers repaired..."

Whoa, I hate it when they do that.

Take a look at this! Have you ever seen anything like it? Where's the camera? Man, this is going to make it into JAMA.

Slippery devil...whoops, there it goes again.

Doctor? Doctor? Doctor!

"Oh shit!"

"Whew...Good thing he had two of those..."



* * * Back to the Home Page of John "Birdman" Bryant, the World's Most Controversial Author * * *