A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she 
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have 
mine."
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in the U.S.A.
The rest cheat in Europe or elsewhere.
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A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Young son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know 
his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you 
say, talk in your sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out
with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a 
bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the 
opposite sex.

> >HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
> >SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like 
yours.
> >=======
> >HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it
 twice?
> >SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
> >========
> >HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
> >SHE : I must've been given your share.
> >=======
> >HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday?
> >SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.
> >=======
> >HE : Your face must turn a few heads
> >SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs.
> >=======
> >HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
> >SHE : Okay, get out.
> >======
> >HE : I think I could make you very happy
> >SHE : Why? Are you leaving?
> >======
>
 >HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
> >SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
> >======
> >HE : Can I have your name?
> >SHE : Why? Don't you already have one?
> >=====
> >HE : Shall we go see a movie?
> >SHE : I've already seen it
> >=====
>
 >HE : Where have you been all my life?
> >SHE : Hiding from you.
> >======
> >HE : Haven't I seen you some place before?
> >SHE : Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.
> >=======
> >HE : Is this seat empty?
> >SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
> >======
>
 >HE : So, what do you do for a living?
> >SHE : I'm a female impersonator.
> >======
> >HE : Hey baby, what's your sign?
> >SHE : Do not enter.
> >=======
> >HE : Your body is like a temple.
> >SHE : Sorry, there are no services today.
> >======
> >HE : If I could see you
 naked, I'd die happy.
> >SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
> >=======
> >HE : Where have you been all my life?
> >SHE : Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams.