A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Eighty percent of married men cheat in the U.S.A. The rest cheat in Europe or elsewhere. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Young son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex. > >HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours. > >SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours. > >======= > >HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice? > >SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice. > >======== > >HE : How did you get to be so beautiful? > >SHE : I must've been given your share. > >======= > >HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday? > >SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend. > >======= > >HE : Your face must turn a few heads > >SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs. > >======= > >HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out. > >SHE : Okay, get out. > >====== > >HE : I think I could make you very happy > >SHE : Why? Are you leaving? > >====== > >HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me? > >SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time. > >====== > >HE : Can I have your name? > >SHE : Why? Don't you already have one? > >===== > >HE : Shall we go see a movie? > >SHE : I've already seen it > >===== > >HE : Where have you been all my life? > >SHE : Hiding from you. > >====== > >HE : Haven't I seen you some place before? > >SHE : Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore. > >======= > >HE : Is this seat empty? > >SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. > >====== > >HE : So, what do you do for a living? > >SHE : I'm a female impersonator. > >====== > >HE : Hey baby, what's your sign? > >SHE : Do not enter. > >======= > >HE : Your body is like a temple. > >SHE : Sorry, there are no services today. > >====== > >HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. > >SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. > >======= > >HE : Where have you been all my life? > >SHE : Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams.