"The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to
do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me
nice things."

Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior
college, said during class, "Miss Smythe, would you please name
the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate
conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the
conditions."

Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Perkins, I don't
think that is a proper question to ask me.  I assure you my parents
will hear of this."  With that she sat down red-faced.

Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the
same question.

Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in
dim light."

"Correct," said Mr. Perkins.  "And now, Miss Smythe, I have three
things to say to you.

"One, you have not studied your lesson.

"Two, you have a dirty mind.

"And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful
disappointment."