Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS 'CAUSE THE VOICES ONLY TALK TO ME!!!
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
I need someone real bad...Are you real bad?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder.
All men are idiots...and I married their king.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
Keep honking...I'm reloading.
MONTANA: At least the cows are sane.
God must love stupid people; He made so many of them.
I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
CONSCIOUSNESS: that annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
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