As Air Force One prepares to land, the captain makes his customary 
request over 
the loudspeaker: "Mr. President, would you please return the stewardess 
to the 
upright position and prepare to land?"

What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver? A screwdriver 
turns in 
screws, Clinton screws interns!

Did you hear that Clinton has announced there is a new national  bird? 
"The 
spread eagle"!

A reporter asked Clinton one day. "Was Monica lying?" Clinton responded 
by 
saying. "No, she was on her knees."

Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill every day at 5 am? She 
wants to make
sure that she is the first lady.

The Spelling Bee...Dan Quayle, Frank Gifford and Bill Clinton were in a 
spelling
contest.
Unbelievably, Dan Quayle won! He was the only one of the three who knew 
that 
'harass' was one word.

How many White House Interns does it take to screw in a light bulb? 
It's not 
possible, they are too busy screwing the President.

Clinton's team of advisors have offered the following  defence... 
Clinton NEVER 
told Lewinsky to lie in ANY deposition!
He told her to lie in DIS position....

What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common? They were both 
upset when 
Bill finished first.

What is Bill's definition of safe sex? When Hillary is out of town.

Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East? He thinks 
the Gaza 
Strip is a topless bar.

What do Monica Lewinsky and Soda Pop machines have in common? They both 
have 
slots which say "Insert 'Bill" here."

What "help wanted" advert did Monica Lewinsky answer?
Be a White House intern, and get a taste of the Presidency!

There's a new Bill Clinton computer coming out soon. It will have a six 
inch 
hard drive, but no memory.

Did you hear that when this scandal is over that Monica plans to sell 
her story?
 She said she will tell it Blow by Blow.

What's Monica going to title her memoirs?
"How to suckseed in the Oval Office without really trying!"

Why can't they prosecute Bill Clinton? Monica swallowed the evidence

Why does Monica Lewinsky have such puffy cheeks? She's withholding 
evidence.


Why does Monica refuse to play golf with Bill?
Because she's tired of his balls hitting her in the face.


Bill was recently overheard complimenting Monica's appearance. "She's 
got the 
whitest teeth I've ever cum across!"


Bill's nickname for Hillary is, "My little buttercup" His nickname for 
Monica? 
"My little suctioncup"


Poll of 100 women: Would you ever sleep with the President? 2 said yes
4 said never
94 said never again

Why does Clinton wear underwear?
To keep his ankles warm.

What do Clinton and a carpenter have in common?
One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart.

Why doesn't Clinton play his saxophone any more? He's busy playing with 
his 
whoremonica.

What's the new favourite game at the White House? Swallow the leader.

What is Clinton's favourite movie?
Free Willy.

Top 10 Benefits of a White House Internship: 10. First-hand knowledge 
of 
domestic affairs. 9. Pay is lousy, but the hush money is great.
8. Gives new meaning to MTV slogan "Rock the Vote".
7. Observe the President's commitment to young people first hand. 6. 
Learn 
intricacies of statutory rape law.
5. Have president chase around desk brandishing his "subpoena". 4. 
President 
tells you he really wants you on his staff.
3. Try out JFK's legendary rocking chair.
2. Have president introduce you to his "special investigator".
and the number one benefit of a White House internship ...
1.  Find out what a politician means when he says he's been polling his 
constituents!

What's the first thing Bill said after the Lewinsky  allegations? Oh, 
NOW she 
opens her mouth!

You'll be pleased to know that Bill is putting his exceptional 
linguistic 
evasiveness into print, titled:
"Cunning Little Linguistics" by Bill Clinton. 
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