"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" * Richard Jeni "If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." * Johnny Carson "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same." * Oscar Wilde "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet." * Mae West "When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car." * Author Unknown Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children"