"I think that's how Chicago got started. A 
bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying 
the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold 
enough. Let's go west.'" 
* Richard Jeni 

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all 
the impersonators would be dead." 
* Johnny Carson 

"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. 
Monogamy is the same." 
* Oscar Wilde 

"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not 
ready for an institution yet." 
* Mae West 

"When I die, I want to die like my grandmother 
who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like 
all the passengers in her car." 
* Author Unknown 

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of 
tension and you get a headache, do what it says on 
the aspirin bottle: 
"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children"