Getting in the Spirit(s)

Thanks Andy

 

> A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
>After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
> The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
> If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
> So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
> Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
> 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
> 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
> 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
> 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
> 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
> 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
> 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
> 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
> 9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
> 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
> 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
> 12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
> 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
> 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
>

 

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