All

I was throwing away some data disks and came across this one I received

in the Mid 90's.  the author is viperfox.  I lost contact with him in early

2000 .   what cha think of this ???  I have lots more

ed

 

 

 

Why the US doesn't win wars any more:

 

  1945- Rifles were made of wood and steel, shot a .30 caliber bullet and

killed the enemy.

  Now- Rifles are made of plastic and aluminum, shoot  a .22 caliber

bullet, and wound the enemy.

 

 1945- The winning side used a US made .45 Caliber pistol, The losers

used a European 9mm.

 Now- We use a European 9mm pistol. Nobody uses the  .45.

 

1945- If you smoked, you had an ashtray on your desk.

Now- If you smoke, you are sent outside and are  treated like a leper.

 

1945- If you said "damn", people knew you were annoyed and avoided you.

Now- If you say "damn" you better be talking about a hydroelectric plant.

 

1945- NCO's had a typewriter on their desks for doing daily reports.

Now- Everyone has an internet computer, and they wonder why no work is

getting done.

 

1945- We painted pictures of pretty girls on airplanes to remind us of

home.

Now- We put the real thing in the cockpit.

 

1945- Your girlfriend was at home, praying you would return alive.

Now- She is in the same foxhole, praying your condom worked.

 

1945- If you got drunk off duty, your buddies would take you back to

barracks to sleep it off.

 Now- If you get drunk any time they slap you in rehab and ruin your

whole career.

 

1945- You were taught to aim at your enemy and shoot him.

 Now- You spray 500 bullets into the brush, don't hit anything, and

retreat because you are               out of ammo.

 

1945- Canteens were made out of steel. You could heat coffee or hot

chocolate in them.

 Now- Canteens are made of plastic. You can't heat anything in them and

they always taste               like plastic.

 

1945- Officers were professional soldiers first.   They commanded

respect.

Now- Officers are politicians first. They beg not to be given a wedgie.

 

1945- They collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it.

 Now- They collect our pee and analyze it.

 

1945- If you don't act right, the commander'll  put you in the stockade

till you straighten up.

 Now- If you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you

forever.

 

1945- Medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives  at the risk of their

own.

 Now- Medals are awarded to people who show up for work most of the

time.

 

1945- You slept in a barracks, like a soldier.

 Now- You sleep in a dormitory, like a college kid.

 

1945- You ate in a Mess Hall. It was free and you could have all the food

you wanted.

 Now- You eat in a dining facility. Every slice of bread or pat of butter

costs, and you can only have one.

 

1945- We defeated powerful countries like Germany and Japan.

 Now- We cant even beat Iraq or Yugoslavia.

 

1945- to relax, you went to the Rec  Center, played pool, smoked and

drank  beer.

 Now- You go to the Community Center and can still  play pool.

 

1945- If you wanted a beer and conversation you could go to the NCO or

Officers Club.

 Now- The beer will cost you $1.75, membership is  forced, and someone is

watching how              much you drink.

 

1945- You could buy quartermaster gas tax free because it was on a

military reservation.

 Now- AAFES charges you the tax but pockets the money themselves because

it is on a military reservation.

 

1945-The BX/PX had bargains for GI's who didn't make much money.

 Now- You can get better merchandise cheaper at Wal Mart.

 

1945- We could recognize the enemy by their Nazi helmets.

 Now- We are wearing the Nazi helmets.

 

1945- An old Chief would sit in his office with a  cigar in his mouth.

 Now- He would be in less trouble if it was a penis.

 

1945- We called the enemy things like "Krauts" and  "Japs" because we

didn't like them.

 Now- We call the enemy "opposing forces" and "aggressors" so we don't

offend them.

 

1945- Victory was declared when the enemy was dead and all his things

were broken.

 Now- Victory is declared when the enemy says he is sorry.

 

1945- If you killed an enemy soldier, you could bring home his rifle as a

trophy.

 Now- If you bring home anything at all as a trophy you get a court

martial.

 

1945- A commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people.

 Now- A commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt.

 

1945- After the war, you could buy your own rifle off the government,

cheap.

 Now- You can't be trusted with your own rifle, and  you'll be jailed if

you ever get one.

 

1945- Wars were planned and run by generals with lots of important

victories.

 Now- Wars are planned and run by politicians with lots of important

panty raids.

 

1945- We knew we were fighting for freedom.  The  country was committed

to winning.

 Now- We don't know what we are fighting for.  The government is

committed to Socialism.

 

1945- All you could think of was getting out and becoming a

civilian again.

 Now- All you can think of is getting out and becoming a civilian again.

 

 

 Subject: New military standards

 

 In an effort to ensure proper training and readiness among the military

 services, Congress has approved the following changes to basic

 principles

 of recruit training:

 

 HAIRCUTS:

 Marines-heads will be shaved.

 Army-flat-tops for all recruits.

 Navy-no haircut standard.

 Air Force-complete makeovers as seen on the Jenny Jones show.

 

 TRAINING HOURS:

 Marines-rise at 0500, train until 2000.

 Army-rise at 0600, train until 1900.

 Navy-rise at 0900, train until 1100, lunch till 1300, train till 1600.

 Air Force-rise at 1000, breakfast in bed, lunch at 1200, nap at 1400,

 training ceases at 1500.

 

 MEALS:

 Marines-Meals-Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.

 Army-one hot meal, 2 MRE's.

 Navy-3 hot meals.

 Air Force-catered meals prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, Julia

Childs, and Wolfgang Puck.  All you can eat.

 

 LEAVE and LIBERTY:

 Marines-none.

 Army-4 hours a week.

 Navy-2 days a week.

 Air Force-for every four hours of training, recruits will receive eight

 hours of leave and liberty.

 

 PROTOCOL:

 Marines-will address all officers as "Sir" and refer to the rank of all

 enlisted members when speaking to them (i.e. SGT. Smith).

 Army-will address all officers as "Sir", unless they are friends, and

 will call all enlisted personnel "Sarge."

 Navy-will address all officers as Skipper, and all enlisted personnel

as Chief.

 Air Force-all Air Force personnel shall address each other as "dude" or

"bud".

 

 DECORATIONS/AWARDS:

 Marines-medals & badges are awarded for acts of gallantry & bravery.

 Army-medals and badges are awarded for every bullet fired, hand grenade

 thrown,  fitness test passed, and bed made.

 Navy-will have ships' engineers make medals for them as needed.

 Air Force-will be issued all medals as they will most likely be awarded

 them at some point early in their careers.

 

 CAMOUFLAGE UNIFORMS:

 Marines-work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field

situations.

 Army-will wear it anytime, anywhere.

 Navy-will not wear cammies, they do not camouflage you on a ship.

 Captains will make every effort to TRY to explain this to your sailors.

 Air Force-will defeat the purpose of camouflage by putting blue and

gray

 service chevrons and name tapes on them. They will also get newly

 designed and personally tailored uniforms to replace the airline pilot

coats they have now.

 

 CAREER FIELDS:

 Marines-all Marines shall be considered riflemen first and foremost.

 Army-doesn't matter, all career fields promote to E-8 in first

enlistment.

 Navy-nobody knows.  Navy still trying figure out what all the SMC, BNC,

 BSN, and all the other ratings things are.

 Air Force-every recruit will be trained in a manner that will allow

Them to leave the service early to go on to higher paying civilian jobs.