High School Inspiration - Part One....
Every year, English teachers from across the country
submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors
found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each
year to the amusement of teachers across the
Here are last year's winners.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had
its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and
breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from
experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a
solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it
and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about
the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like a colony of E. Coli, and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that
sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like,
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude
shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond
exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like
a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole
scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on
vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m..
instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair
after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like
maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
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