Murphy's Lesser Known
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of
getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get
The things that come to those who wait will be the
things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a
man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for
When you go into court, you are putting yourself In the
hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury
* * *
How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light
1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is
young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're
inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any
wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky
toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the
light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze,
please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led
these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't
missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see
that no one has tried to take advantage of the
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm
bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I
don't see a light bulb!
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on
the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need
no stinking light bulb."
12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light
bulbs in a little circle...
14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear
and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house,
my nails will be dry.
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