Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

What is the difference between ' ooooooh' and ' aaaaaaah'?
A. About three inches.

Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.

What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch