Why  We Love Children

1.  A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but  it
Was  dead.
'How  do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because  I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child
'You  did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You  know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and  it
Didn't  move'

2.  A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five  minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
'I'm  thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No,  You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five  minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'I'm  THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
' I  told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five  minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'When  you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'

3.  An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into  mischief,
Finally  asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'
The  boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and  in
And  out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For  Heaven's
Sake,  Dylan, come in or stay out!''

4.  One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother  was
Tucking  her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when  he
Asked  with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me
The  mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
'I  can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
A  long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
'The  big sissy.'

5.  It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
Children's'  sermon.
All  the children were invited to come forward.
One  little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she  sat
Down,  the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty  dress.
Is  it your Easter Dress?'
The  little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on
Microphone,  'Yes, and my Mum says it's a bitch to iron.'

6.  When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three  year
Old  came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into  the
She  said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'
I  replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in  her
'I  know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'

7.  A little boy was doing his math homework.

He  said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. 

Three  plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....'
His  mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you  doing?'
The  little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.'
'And  this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother  asked
'Yes,'  he answered.
Infuriated,  the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you
Teaching  my son in math?'
The  teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'
The  mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two,  that
Son  of a bitch is four?'
After  the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught  them
Was,  two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'

8.  One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of  Chicken
Little  to her class. She came to the part of the story where  Chicken
Little  tried to warn the farmer. She read, '.... And so Chicken  Little
Went  up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is
The  teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think  that
Farmer  said?'
One  little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said:
'Holy  Shit! A talking chicken!''
The  teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

9.  A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm  Mr.
Sugarbrown's  daughter.'
Her  mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane
The  Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you  Mr.
Sugarbrown's  daughter?'
She  replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'

10.  A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play

With  the boys?'
Her  mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're

Too  rough.'
The  little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,

If I  can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'

11.  A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She  stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair  cut,
eating  a snack cake The barber says to her,

'Sweetheart,  you're gonna get hair on your muffin.'
She  says, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.'

Now  keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone  else!!

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